You gotta love job titles Americans conjure up. Like Loss Prevention Detective. What exactly is a Loss Prevention Detective? Well, through deductive reasoning, examining at the evidence and investigating the scene, I discovered it used to be called a Mall Cop.
An ad for a Loss Prevention Detective at a high-class store had a dress code of a black suit and tie, white shirt, sharp, well-dressed, with rubber-soled shoes. Are times so tough the mob needs side jobs? I guess there’s less demand in whacking. I don’t find men in suits intimidating, unless there’s three of them, each are Italian, and they have baseball bats.
- Stand in place for long periods of time watching customers walk in/out of store.
- Walk around spying on customers, especially in the clothing section, making them feel awkward.
- Kick out kids with pants sagging down to their knees.
- Hold shoplifters in a closed-off space that looks like an interrogation room.
- Look like a cop (but you won’t get a gun).
- Available nights, weekends, weekdays, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, first days, closed days, open days, in a daze, through a maze, in different ways, last days, middle days, half days, full days, and eat bags of greasy Lays.
- Must have life insurance, self-assurance, give reassurance.
- Common sense, work when tense, skilled in self-defense.
- Can handle a crowd, mob, riot, fighting brothers, angry mothers, hordes of crazy others.
Education and Experience:
- High-school diploma or G.E.D.
- 5-years riot control (our sales get a little out of hand).
- Must pass a psychological evaluation, drug test, self-defense test, and live demonstration with psychotic customer.